the yellow wallpaper

This story was very hard to read. So I proceeded slowly. I feel this story is very horrible. There is only thing disturbing her mind. It is yellow wallpaper. But she draw a lot of unpleasant information from it. I think person who has ordinary condition can't imagine so much from one thing. It is very scary thing. According to Wikipedia, nervous disease has following symptom; panic, insomnia,sense of self valueless. It may true to this woman.
I think this story should be read connected with feminism. She engaged in feminism activity. At that time, women were restricted within patriachal society. Man thought women that entity who take care of him and make him get back his dignity. Conflicted this idea, women were expected to get married and work in household.  social notion that women should serve men had prevailed. In this story, heroine sometimes express this notion. She says "he takes all care from me, and so I feel basely ungrateful not to value it more."
I think although she is weaken by disease, she hope to be his comfort too seriously. So she thinks she doesn't help her husband. this thought reinforce her weakness.
That is why, she begins to lose her sense gradually. And she complains to him that her disease for sometimes.But he doesn't take them seriously. And what is worse, she hesitates to express her feeling taking care of her husbad. This hesitation derives from notion of patriachal society. She want to help her husband, but dear person doesn't understand her feeling. this despair get her mad dicisively.
When she becomes to have this despair, she find shadow of woman. If she can inform husband of this phenomenon, her destiny would change positively. But she can't do it. She became skeptical to her family. She thought shadow of woman is confined bar. She may associate it with her situation, anyone is not reliable,thet is, bound with this room. In this lonely situation, only shadow of woman becomes her comfort.So she decides to free this woman from bars. But this practically, she doesn't have tie with someone, and she starts to creep her room with madness.  When she almost finishes to peel off the yellow wallpaper, she says "I've got out at last". it imply her success in escaping from this restrictive condition burdened her.
Also, I think color used in this story becomes important indication of her mind. First, I'll talking about the color yellow.  The color yellow is founded on yellowcard and crossing, so called warning color. This coor imply message don't go any more, that is, restriction. in the first period, heroine dislikes this color wallpaper. it express she keep her sense. In story's later period, she choose yellow rather than green.  The color green used for traffic signals, and it's image of fresh green associate with positive mieaning, safety, growth, and boys. This choise indicates her change.


This is my impression. This week I have a lot of homework. It must be very hard days.

This week were very tired from two midterm examination.
But I think I get so-so score. It is all right.

This weekend, I and my friend ate okonomiyaki three days in a row.
It is very delicious Japanese food, but we were fed up with it. But we become increasingly stubborn, and completed to eat it.
we played some video games in those days. It was very fan.

In Tuesday, I took ancient medieval philosophy course, it sometimes gives me very useful lesson for life.
Professor said in class, "When you have time to spare without something disturb you, what you do is express your spirit."
I impressed this words. I imagined scene, there are very quiet and I sitting here alone. I approach something I like with calm concentration. This is very happy thing.
I want to do it, but recently I don't have enough time.  Since I entered this university, I always feel short of my skills, I cannot afford to enjoy favorite things.
I like read literature, I want to read English literature in English. But now, I take a lot of time to read it.
Someday when I equip enough skill, I want to try it. So, I have to study hard English now.

In this week, I read three books.
Yoko Ogawa's Numeral Formula The Professor Loved（博士の愛した数式）, Mahokaru Numata's Purr（猫鳴り）, Franz Kafka's Metamorphosis.

Firstly, I'll talk about Purr.
This novel's title is very beautiful in Japanese.  In this story, hero called his cat's purr "nekonari". this is story's title.
The Chinese characters mean cat and sound comprise the word "nekonari"
indeed the words signifying cat's purr are not exist in Japanese. But this word "nekonari" make people associate cat's purr clearly.
I think this title is very literary expression.
I think books have good title is very good works. I attracted this title.
This title should attract people love cat.
When I read it, I was amazed by description of human and cat.
Author draws old man and cat's life not care for each other, but as if they are dissolved into one.
text express hero's feeling that " Toji (hero) consent Mon (cat), Mon assent him, their everything dissolve ambiguously and feel easy.
Toji think he has never share this feeling with people.
He infers "if preceding words, relation probably lose something important instead."
In this story, author wrote youth is the thing, beautiful, but excessive and useless.
Losing youth, Toji loses Hope. He want something hope even if it is like a will-o'-the wisp.
He feels he is proceeding toward death. He think it is inevitable, but also dread it in his mind.
His cat also go to death. But the time comes faster than his.
although Mon is weakening slowly, this cat lives as it is.
this way to life cheer up him. He receive message from cat "it's all right, let's go a little more".
Cat can't speak, so it may be not true.
But I think this is the answer that their lives made him reached.
I learned how to be non-verbal relation.

I want to talk about another two stories, but I haven't enough time. I have another class preparation.
See you next week.

today, I played band music for the first time when I enrolled this school.
Because I play music with amplifier for the first time in a long time, it was very fun!
my members are very good people. I ate dinner with them.
I like listen to music, but playing music is more interesting.
It allows me to enjoy music further.

Recently, I feel always something wrong with me.
I feel fatigue all day. I want concentrate something hard, but it prevent me from doing so.
I think I must try everything more harder.

In last week, I gave presentation in speaking class.
I talk about Bob Dylan's song Forever Young. It is very good song.
Bob Dylan always sing about something difficult to understand,but this song is very straight song.
He sings for his son.  This song became picture book for children last year.
If one parent gives this book his child, I think this parent is very good person.
He wishes his child's happiness, expressing one's love is very good thing.

this week, I read Miyabe Miyuki's BRAVE STORY.
I found this book in secondhand book store. It has very big volume, reaches about 1500 pages.
But it sold at 250 yen! very profitable!
this story is fantasy story. I think this genre is for children at first.
But she also writes mystery fiction. And she is very famous writer in Japan.
So, this book is very interesting for me.
This story's plot is that hero experiences very sad things, his parent's divorce. And he decides to go to Vision, it is fictional world produced by humans image.
If he succeed in this imaginary world for traveler, he can make his wish true.

I think this story is worth reading for everyone.
It has very heavy theme. What is justice?
It describes several people. everyone has various thought, aim, trauma.
For example, hero's father have illicit love with another woman.
Hero wants him to return his home, but father says, "If your idea makes your familiar person angry, do you think bending my belief is right?"
I think this question is very difficult. indeed, there social morals, but everyone has belief.
If one side becomes so called justice, other side becomes evil.
But then, is it good thing sweeping other side's feeling?
this question continues to blame hero.
But his boss said to him.
"Wataru ( hero's name), your heart feel things is wrong, you must follow your mind."
She advise him to conflict people whether you can understand each other or not.
It is her own idea, so perhaps someone opposed her. But I think good thing having own principle.
She is very strong person. 
What is justice? it is very difficult question. I want to have my answer and be more fixed person.

By the way, June start.
I like rain, but I find laundry is hard to dry.  My first June living by myself will be more blue.
See you next week.